Musings from Home

Archive for May, 2012

Replay

It has been almost 24 years since I graduated from college, yet I am still have a recurring dream in which I am still in college. The first time I had it, I had just started my first job after graduation and was living by myself in a tiny apartment in Boston.  This dream always causes me to sleep uneasily and wake up momentarily confused. In the dream, it is the end of the semester and I have just remembered that there is a class I haven’t attended all semester, but also never dropped. Often I do not know where the class is held or what the assignments have been. Usually it’s days before the final exam and I don’t have any idea what to study.

In last night’s version, I had three roommates, all friends of mine from different periods in my life, one from college, one from graduate school, and one from here and now. In my dream, we were all very close. While we were hanging out in our room, trying to resolve whatever “crisis” we had at the moment, I suddenly remembered that at the beginning of the semester one of my professors had split up the class and sent part of the class, including me, to another room to be a separate class. He then assigned us some work. That was weeks ago and for some reason, I had never gone back and had never completed any assignments. Of course, I spent the entire dream freaking out about what I was going to do, how I was going to figure out what I needed to do, and if it were even possible to catch up and avoid failing.

Do you think I have much stress in my life at the moment? Jim interpreted it as a message that I am worried I have forgotten something. Makes sense, but now I am racking my mind to figure out what I may have forgotten. I have checked my calendar. I have run through my brain to see if there are any bills I usually take care of at the end of the month that I have forgotten. I can’t think of anything I haven’t done that I was supposed to.

I’m guessing that I’m just stressed by all the unknowns at the moment and all that I have to do in the next few months. This is a point of “hurry up and wait” in our journey. Our house is on the market so we have to keep it “magazine photo shoot” ready all the time, which is stressful in itself. But mostly, I think it’s that I absolutely hate “hurry up and wait”. I am a “do it now or I’ll forget it or worse, stress about it” kind of person. The fact that we are sort of on hold while everything plays out may be taking its toll. I know there is so much to do (packing, unpacking, painting and getting a fence in the new house, etc.), but I can’t do it yet.

It’s going to be a busy summer. But so many good things lay ahead, once we get through all the other stuff we need to do to get there. Today, I’ll be taking a lot of deep breaths and trying to “chill”. This evening, we’ll probably watch a movie and unwind. And hopefully tonight, I’ll dream about running through a meadow of wildflowers . . .

Do you have any recurring dreams? If so, would you like to share?

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