Everyone seems to be talking about age lately (or maybe always). When I think about my age, I tend to think about what my best age might have been and if I could go back, which age I would choose to revisit. And that’s where I get stuck.
Like most people, I wouldn’t want to go back to my teenage years, not because they were so bad (because they really weren’t), but because that’s a period of so much figuring out and it’s better traversed only once, in my opinion.
What about my twenties? I greatly enjoyed my twenties, being on my own, with my first full-time job in a city I loved. But here’s the thing: My twenties were a time of planning for the future. Preparing for that next step in life. Getting my career on track. Hoping to meet the right person for me. Thinking about a future family.
If I went back to my twenties, even though I would be young again and could relive all the fun of being young, single, and in the middle of a fantastic city, I would have to do all the getting everything in place stuff all over again, too. Plus, I wouldn’t have Jim, Emerald, and Sapphire.
So let’s see, how about early to mid thirties, after graduate school and after Emerald was born? Still wouldn’t have Sapphire. The rest had settled out pretty well by then.
Forties? Sapphire was born just 6 days after my fortieth birthday. It’s funny, she asked me the other night if I wish she were still really little. I told her that I had been looking at pictures of Emerald and her when they were a lot younger and although that was a fun time, I am really enjoying right now. I love all that we can do together as a family now and I love, love, love seeing who they are and who they are becoming.
To be perfectly honest, I’m in a stage of my life when I am finally living for the most part in the here and now. And I’m loving it. It’s not that I don’t have goals, of course I do, but I don’t feel like the majority of what I do is planning for something else. We are settled in the place we plan to be for a long time. The kids are in fun ages (although they are still growing up too fast for my taste). I like knowing who I am and what my skills are.
So, I’ll take the wrinkles and dark circles (what choice do I have?) to get all the other things that go with them.
Tomorrow (figuratively) I’ll complain about the aches and pains, gray hair (which I color over), and older looking skin.